Because it shouldn’t be a taboo subject: Part 3

The deed

29. Spread mental health awareness.

Today I’m going to share one other person’s story. Once again, this is not my story, I am sharing someone else’s (with their permission, of course).

I’ll also provide links for mental health organizations and professionals in St. Louis if you want to seek help for yourself or a loved one.

Because it’s ok to talk about it. It’s ok to own it, as long as it doesn’t own you.

Anonymous:

“I think it’s important for everyone to recognize the signs of depression, and be aware of how to aid those who are. It could just help to save someone who doesn’t even know they are depressed. I personally went through a situation of that sort.

Years ago, I was going through a tough time. I had never really been an emotional person, or had taken down my walls enough to let anyone in. Once I finally did, I fell hard and got hurt. I was devastated, and afterwards it seemed like the troubles kept coming my way, in all aspects of life. When it rains, it pours..right? I had always been a strong person, but after finally taking my guard down and getting hurt in return, something changed in me. I broke.

I couldn’t seem to handle the new feelings of heartbreak. I had never been through anything of the sort before, therefore wasn’t experienced in the healing process. I felt like I lost myself completely. I didn’t know how to be independent and strong like I once was. I either wasn’t sleeping at all, or slept all of the time, wasn’t eating, wasn’t getting out into the world to see anyone or have any fun, and I cried..a lot. I worked because I had to, but was extremely hesitant in doing so. This wasn’t me. I felt as though I was just in a “funk”.

Luckily, I had a very loving, caring, concerned mother who recognized my odd behavior. She questioned if I was depressed and was persistent in trying to get to the bottom of things. It was a constant battle as I insisted I wasn’t depressed.

Truthfully, I didn’t believe in depression. I told myself that everyone goes through tough times, and I was just going to be sad for a little while and I’d be fine soon enough. I was unable to recognize how unhealthy I was, how much weight I had lost, and how my continued sad demeanor was affecting my life and those around me.

My persistent mother finally dragged me to the doctor one day, and basically explained everything for me, as I was too stubborn to do so myself. I kept saying I was fine and didn’t need to be there. The doctor then explained to me that sometimes when you go through something like that, it can be more traumatic than you think, and cause a chemical imbalance in your brain, causing you to be unable to control your emotions. Your serotonin levels decrease tremendously all at once, and make it incredibly difficult to allow your emotions and nervous system to function correctly. I heard everything he was saying, but didn’t process any of it until much later.

He prescribed a low dose Prozac for me, which I was also a huge disbeliever in. My account of everything afterwards was this: the gradual use of the Prozac was able to increase my energy enough to actually get up and be aware of my surroundings, and increasingly helped me to focus on other things rather than just sulking. Eventually, I regained my appetite, sleep patterns improved, and I began working out regularly again. I knew of the benefits of endorphins being released by exercise, but I had only then been self aware enough to WANT those endorphins and to help myself.

From there, everything continued to get better. I finally felt and looked better, and had the motivation I needed to do better at work and to be a happier person that other people would actually want to be around. This created a snowball affect and allowed so many more good things to happen to me, and to increase my own happiness and self worth. Honestly, I wasn’t great at keeping up with the Prozac, as I still had/have my own concerns about it, but I do think it was a helpful first step to getting my energy back enough to do all of these things. I knew, however, that it was something I didn’t want to always rely on, so I made sure to safely take myself off of it when the time was right, with the doc’s guidance of course.

With that said, I have to credit most of my improvement to my support system. Thanks to my mother, and other loved ones, I was able to get my life back on track. No matter how stubborn or in denial I was, their persistence gave me the help I desperately needed. Having people around me that knew what depression looked like, and that wanted to do everything they could to end it, truly helped me.

Throughout the years following that experience, I went through several other, way more horrible events. However, I was able to recall how I dealt with things before, and everything I had to do to get back to normal. I knew I didn’t want to go through all that again and made sure not to allow myself to get to that point. I was able to recognize how often these things happen in life, and that your own life can’t stop because of it.

I never want to be the way I was back then, and with that experience, I know exactly what to do to make sure that that doesn’t happen. But, not everyone is able to recognize and are able to keep themselves from getting to that point. THIS is why it is so important for any and everyone to be aware. Whether you are going through it yourself, or come across someone else who is, it is important to know how serious of an issue it is. If ignored, it will continue to increasingly get worse, until it may be too late. Knowing the signs, and what you can do to help, just might save someone.”

Resources:

Find some help in the St. Louis area: http://www.startherestl.org/mental-health.html

 

Because it shouldn’t be a taboo subject: Part 2

The deed

29. Spread mental health awareness.

Today I’m going to share someone else’s story. Once again, this is not my story, I am sharing someone else’s (with their permission, of course).

I’ll also provide links for mental health organizations and professionals in St. Louis if you want to seek help for yourself or a loved one. Tomorrow I’ll share with you another person’s story. These people were gracious enough to help and support me in this little project. (A million and a half thank yous to you guys.)

Because it’s ok to talk about it. It’s ok to own it, as long as it doesn’t own you.

Anonymous:

“At the age of twenty-five I was abused by a man who I loved more than I’d ever loved anyone. I was in my second year as a high school English teacher and just bought my first house. I felt like my life was just starting, opportunity around every corner, so when I met my boyfriend he filled the gap between my good life and one I thought would be perfect. Perfection is unattainable, I know that now, and it ended up ruining me.

My perfect boyfriend became my abuser and I was his plaything. I was physically, emotionally, sexually and financially abused. After one particularly horrific morning when he threw me down a flight of stairs, I spit blood in his face in the basement and I crawled out, fearful he’d kill me if I didn’t try to leave.

But my recovery didn’t start there.

Adding to the pain of being a domestic violence victim, I lost my job, car and house just weeks after leaving. With very little support and very few people to turn to, I started writing my story online, hopeful to find other women who survived. Having no income meant I couldn’t seek help.

A year after I left, I started noticing new bad behaviors: I left bruises on myself to help distract myself from the emotional pain I suffered and I drank too much for the same reason. The nightmares became worse. So did the panic attacks. Everyone kept telling me I’d made the right decision, but it didn’t feel that way. They didn’t understand.

Lucky for me, someone who found my blog did. This person, a secondary survivor, told me about the non-profit organizations across the country that work with survivors and offer free counseling. His mother went to one, he told me, and he bet I could find one close to home. I found Safe Connections that day and made an appointment the following week. Free was affordable.

For three years I went to trauma therapy once a week and I spent many weeks in survivor groups there, too. I learned I suffered PTSD and Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Then, they taught me why I suffered the way I did and how to overcome the aftermath.

In those three years of therapy, my life became my own again. I met a man who bettered me. He is now my husband. I continued writing my story, and my book will be released in September. I learned how to function in a society that held no hope for me before. And I’ve come out the other side a better person than I was when I started.

I’ve learned how to empathize with people who suffer, and I’ve humbled myself to the fact that we are all equal and life hands all of us injustices. That just because mine is different than yours doesn’t mean either of us is better.

Therapy made me a better person.”

 

Thank you for sharing, love.

Resources:

Find some help in the St. Louis area: http://www.startherestl.org/mental-health.html

Safe Connections (mentioned in this post): http://safeconnections.org

Because it shouldn’t be a taboo subject

A few weeks ago I sat at a table with my CASA team as we were told by the judge that our request for therapy for the child we represented was denied. The judge made it clear that he didn’t really believe in therapy. That her problems would go away as long as she had a sturdy, loving adult in her life. I sat there, perplexed, I looked over the notes we gave him to read. She was diagnosed with 5 different disorders by a licensed therapist…how could he deny this request?

It was a bad call. I knew it then. After we were dismissed I angrily vented to my supervisor, who was also disappointed in the outcome.

I thought the rest of that day about how stupid it is that we, as a society, let this happen. So many people treat mental health as if it is not as harmful as any other physical disorder. But it is! We convince ourselves we can fix it ourselves. We tell children “Your just going through something. You’ll be fine”. We underfunded programs that assist the mentally ill, then we act horrified when mentally ill people hurt themselves or others. I’m so sick of this being an issue being swept under the rug. Your mental health should not be a taboo subject.

I left court that day defeated. I felt powerless. I felt mad. Then I took those feelings, I came up with this idea of a good deed.

The deed

29. Spread mental health awareness.

Today I’m going to share with you my own story. I’ll also provide links for mental health organizations and professionals in St. Louis if you want to seek help for yourself or a loved one. Tomorrow I’ll share with you another person’s story, then another the following day. These people were gracious enough to help and support me in this little project. (A million and a half thank yous to you guys.)

Because it’s ok to talk about it. It’s ok to own it, as long as it doesn’t own you.

My story

When people ask how long I’ve had stomach problems I say fifth grade. When people ask how long I’ve had a problem with anxiety, it’s no coincidence that the answer is the same.

So what happened in fifth grade? Looking back on it, it seems stupid. Like something most people would brush off and move on from…but I’m not most people. I had a “friend” who was an emotional terrorist. I began getting nauseated at the idea of going to school and seeing her. I would throw up, get dizzy, cry hysterically…my mom didn’t know what to do. I was taken to a specialist. I don’t remember what it was he “diagnosed” me with but we left with a prescription for stomach aches that I hardly took. Sometimes I felt like it helped…othertimes I pretended it did.

But what people don’t tell you about anxiety disorders like mine is that most of the time you don’t “grow out of them”, or “get all better”. Once it started, it never really stopped for me. I have had good years with few triggers and bad years with big triggers, but anxiety is always there in varying magnitudes. I tell people that it’s like a button being pressed in my stomach. And I feel half-insane saying that, I can really feel exactly where the button is. Upper-middle stomach, right below the ribs. When I’m anxious it gets pressed and like a snap of the fingers, I am sick.

Then at the end of my freshman year of college, my grandmother passed away. I cared about her deeply. My life shortly after her death was a very dark place. (This is another story entirely, if you want to hear about it, scroll down to “My Connection With Pancreatic Cancer”) I stopped going out and my grades were…not so great. I made the decision to see a grief therapist. I visited her twice, both times I balled…she listened…and I left not feeling much better. I didn’t see her again. In retrospect, I see now that I wanted her to fix me. I wanted her to make the grieving stop, but in reality, the only thing that makes the loss of a loved one better is time. And you can’t skip that step.

While therapy didn’t do much for me, it was important that I made that decision for myself. It was the first time I recognized, on my own, that I needed help and reached out for it. It was terrifying to ask for help. When you’re in a mind-set like I was, you want so badly to just fix it yourself. But sometimes you just can’t. Once I realized that, I was able to make healthy decisions for myself.

Two years ago I was having frequent anxiety once again, When it became unmanageable I looked up some names and called a doctor. He took the time to talk to me about how I was feeling (although it was fairly clear because I cried for the better portion of my visit) and we had a two-way conversation about what action to take (my doctor is the real deal).

Today, I’m someone who has an awful lot to be thankful for. I already have a lot of things I’ve always wanted for myself. A pretty house, a loving husband, an adorable dog, good friends and income that allows me to life a comfortable lifestyle. I also have a general anxiety disorder that still rears its ugly head on any given day. But it’s manageable because I was able to recognize my unhappiness and reached out for help. I’m on medication that stops that button from being pushed. It doesn’t stop me from feeling…it just stops me from feeling hopeless.

And I shared this long-winded story with you because I want you to know that you can ask for help too. Your health in any capacity should never be a taboo subject; it’s too important. If you feel you need a little help, I encourage you to please seek a therapist, doctor, or at least talk to a trusted loved one about how you feeling. You are not alone in this. It’s not weird or wrong or embarrassing. It’s just another thing life throws at you, but how you choose to handle it will affect the rest of your life, take it seriously.

If you don’t want to talk to someone you know and you are skeptical about seeking professional help. I’ll help. Email me at: libby.bishop1@gmail.com

(Full disclosure: Not a therapist. Can’t diagnose you. May not have all the answers. But I’ll listen and support you.)

Resources

Find some help in the St. Louis area: http://www.startherestl.org/mental-health.html

————–

Other good deeds-

30. ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

Giving thanks to the thankless

There’s something very important I want to discuss on this blog, but I want to make sure I do it right…so in the meantime, let me share with you an easy good deed every single one of us should do on the reg.

The deed

Social work ain’t easy. As a CASA I am lucky to be surrounded by an excellent Guardian Ad Litem (my supervisor) and Children’s Division worker who fight for my CASA kid’s best interests with me. They set up counseling services, doctors visits, school enrollments, evaluations, and any other services the government can provide. And in between all of that we also visit the kid several times a month, discussing her wants and needs, and making sure they are getting met. They do this 9-5 every day for countless kids in the St. Louis area.

Recently we all went to bat for my current CASA kid in court. It wasn’t pretty. Prior to court, the mother left death threats on the Children’s Division worker’s voicemail. In court, the mother personally attacked us all, but put special emphasis on the Children’s Division worker.

If she needed a pat on the back to get through the day, she wouldn’t have picked this job. But I’m going to give her a pat on the back anyway, because she earns it every day that she advocates for a child.

28. Thank someone for their service. Especially if it’s service that isn’t always fully appreciated.

My email to the Children’s Division worker: “I’ve been meaning to say, I have a lot of respect for you and the work that you do. I know social work can, oftentimes, be a thankless job so I wanted to take a minute to let you know that your efforts are appreciated. I know in cases like these, where the mother has decided to verbally and personally attack you, it probably doesn’t leave you in the best of spirits. But you continue to do your best, seemingly unphased, and I think that’s pretty awesome. Thank you for making a difference. Keep up the good work.”

So go out there and thank someone who you think might not hear it a lot.

 

 

Keeping It Together, So You Can Fall Apart

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I could say I was busy, but aren’t we all? The truth is, I got pre-occupied with, well, life. But I’m back and I’m going to try and make an effort to post more because I owe that to myself. I think writing something personal every once in awhile is good for me. A little dose of self-love I can indulge in.

Let’s set it up

Between my last post and this one I’ve gotten married to someone I never thought I’d find. A gentle man covered in tattoos, who was able to love me despite my flaws. He’s understood my heartbreaks, and delights in my successes. He keeps me calm, he wakes me up.  It’s invaluable to have someone like that in your life.

I’ve found that a great deal of inner-strength forms when there is a support system in place. Sure, you have the capacity to help yourself; to get up and brush it off, hold your chin high and nurse those wounds. But isn’t it nice when there’s a hand there to help you up? I’ve done it both ways and I can tell you, one method is clearly superior to the other.

The deeds

The deed is abstract, but so is life.

My world was absolutely nuts during the month of May. Wedding nuts. Family crisis nuts. Friend crisis nuts. But because my loved ones mean a great deal more to me than this blog post alone, I’m not going to tell you who they are or what exactly they are going/or had gone through.

Wedding Crisis Nuts:

Let’s not. Wedding? Awesome. Wedding planning? Incredibly stupid.

Family Crisis Nuts:

The week before the wedding we were informed that a part of our family was going through something very devastating. It was hard on everyone. Jon and I took a day to allow ourselves to be unequivically sad: for them, for us, for everyone affected. Our wedding was at the end of the week and it felt wrong to celebrate. If weddings were something you could just pick up and move to better date, we would have done it. I remember thinking, “How are we going to do this? How are we going to be able to smile and be happy and expect everyone affected to be happy?” There was one particular day that week I remember sitting down with my fiancee and we discussed the situation. This particular tragedy did not belong to us, it belonged to a few people we loved, and the conclusion we came to was: if we wanted to help those people we were going to need to keep it together, offer to help, understand, and be there for those people…without thinking of ourselves because it wasn’t about us. And after we decided on that course of action things got easier.

Friend Crisis Nuts:

On the day of the wedding my friend was going through a tough time. What a saint she was though: smiling for all of the pictures (sometimes through tears), holding the end of my dress, taking part in every activity, and concealing the problem she was going through from me and everyone around us as best as she could. I adopted the same mantra for her as I did for our family members: keep your shit together, let them feel it, steady them when they need it. And since the wedding day I have been over-the-moon proud of her. The strides she’s taken improve her life and put herself first has truly been a gift to see. I’m so proud of her I can’t stand it. She’s proved to me once again what I’ve known for so many years, she’s one of toughest friends I’ve ever had.

To you my friend, I promise to pay you back. One of these days I’ll smile through all of your pictures and hold your dress. I’ll keep my mouth shut if there is anything bothering me and I’ll tell you how beautiful you look because you deserve to hear that. And when you find that special guy I will shake his hand and whisper in his ear, “Hey, congrats. If you hurt her in any way I will kill you”, followed by my best wedding smile.

25. Keeping it together, so they can fall apart.

————-

That would be a really good way to end this blog but I actually have more good deeds worth mentioning!

26. Rescue a dog! I just rescued a sweet little black pug. Her name is Wednesday and she snores a lot.

27. Visit a sick kid in the hospital. I visited a sick (adorable, sweet, and sassy) little girl is battling brain cancer LIKE A BOSS.

Resources:

Need a reference for a good non-profit rescue organization? I highly recommend All About Paws. They treat their rescues like family and take care of them so by the time the adoption is final they have had basic grooming, shots, spay/neuter and heartworm meds. AAP is a really great organization that has their shit together. They rescue all breeds of dogs. You can visit their website at:  aaprescue.org

Want to root for my sassy, sweet little friend battling brain cancer? You can follow her and her mother’s journey at: prayforbrae.com (WARNING: THIS WEBSITE MIGHT BREAK YOUR COMPUTER DUE TO CUTENESS OVERLOAD. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. AND DONATE IF YOU CANNOT DENY THE CUTENESS.)

 

Social Media & Online News Sources: Both a Blessing & a Curse

Let’s set it up

Do me a favor, just go to http://www.huffingtonpost.com and read the front page headlines. What did you observe? Here’s what I noticed: Kiev is in flames, war regret, child shot for “thug music”, brown soda is going to kill us all, how to survive a plane crash… but also, Dave Navarro is not the biggest Red Hot Chili Peppers fan, Barbara Walters knows what a vibrator is, your email sign off is annoying everyone (?), and in case you want to be coffee personified…there’s a quiz for that. A nice little mix of gloom and doom, sprinkled with shit no one should care about, let alone take time out of their day to read (but hey, if you are dying to know if you’re decaf or a sassy frappe, by all means knock yourself out).

I’m so emotionally exhausted with the things I’ve been reading on my Facebook and on Online News websites. If you can wade through the nonsense of Buzzfeed “articles” you arrive somewhere between the latest child being abducted, people rudely arguing their political beliefs and worldwide unrest/government corruption (just Google Russia, Venezuela, or Kiev – disclosure: it will be graphic). Today I honestly tried to look up a positive news article just the shake off all the feeling that were all terrible people and the world is doomed…and I COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING. Not one thing. That’s not acceptable to me, and it shouldn’t be to you either. There ARE good things happening out there, why isn’t anyone talking about them? Don’t get me wrong, it is vital that we are informed about worldwide issues and it is equally vital to be aware of sexual predators and what you need to be on the lookout for to potentially save a life. But we are going to drive ourselves mad if we don’t let the light in every once in awhile. Below this blog post you’ll see a video. Watch it. John Green breaks down why 2014 is going to be a awesome year and why the world isn’t so bad. It’s a little dated at this point (he posted at the begginning of the year) but the message still rings true.

With that being said, let me tell you about some good deeds.

The deeds

21. Encourage someone’s passions.

I have a new CASA case, in case I haven’t mentioned it. Being a foster child’s Court Appointed Special Advocate is not for the weak of heart. It’s downright hard pretty much the whole way through and it usually lasts a year. But it’s by far the most rewarding thing I have ever done with my life and so, I continue to do it. I am responsible for a nine year old right now. She’s funny, sassy, sometimes rude, boisterous, and one of the smartest kids I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. She loves to read and write, which makes us a matchmade in CASA heaven. So why on earth is she FLUNKING Language Arts? That’s what I am investigating and to encourage her, I’ve gotten her a journal where she can write down her frustrations and hone in on her writing chops. I’m also going to look into getting her a tutor for her reading. If you have a passion for something, nothing should stop you.

22. Help someone pay for something they really need.

Something terrible happened in my hometown on Valentine’s Day. 4 people (one being a child) were stabbed in an act of domestic violence. Three have died, one is alive and stable in the ICU. The woman that survived does not have health insurance, but that won’t keep the medical bills from piling up. So, a gofundme site has been started to help her pay for her medical costs. I donated $30. If you have some money to spare, I encourage you to donate. You can find the link at the bottom of this blog in the Resources section. (Out of respect for the families involved I won’t go into any more detail than that. If you really want to know the whole story, feel free to Google it. I’ve already seen way too much misinformation and tactless comments regarding this tragedy and it needs to stop. Stop being a dick everyone.)

Additionally, a very nice person in my life just gave me $250 to help with moving costs (I’m purchasing my first home on Friday). Completely out of the blue. These people exist folks. I might have already cried twice today because of it.

23. Listen.

Listen to a friend that needs advice. If they are seeking out your opinion, advice or help, it’s because they really need you. You might be the only one they tell. Be there for them. I’ve done that this month too.

24. Give yourself a break.

Go get a massage (or something equally realxing). Life’s been tough. You earned it. It’s ok to love yourself. I might be projecting here, but whatever.

In conclusion: Be the awesome you want to see in the world. Give when you can. Listen and encourage the people around you, they need you. Be thankful for your friends’ help in every capacity. Be aware of the bad things going on around you, but don’t you dare think that’s all that’s out there.

Resources

The gofundme page I mentioned:

http://www.gofundme.com/6x1ots

Goods News in 2014

John Green wittingly lists some positive attributes of the current state of the world… which will make you believe 2014 is going to rock. And life’s not so bad.

Food and Resolutions

The new year is upon us; filled with new challenges, joys, achievements, and profound moments. The end of every year is a time to self-reflect, for many. To see what flaws we can drum up about ourselves and vow to abolish said flaws in a years time. How charming.

Don’t get me wrong, I do it too. But I’m taking a different approach this year. My resolution is to give back more in 2014 than I did in 2013. No self-depricating here. No half-hearted vows or broken promises to myself. In 2014, let’s just be happy with what we do have going for us. 

Think of the things you have. The shirt your wearing. The leftovers you had for lunch. The car you drove to work today (or, if you are even luckier, the car you didn’t drive today because you got off work on New Year’s Eve). The warm home you get to sleep in every night. Those are all things to be thankful for, no matter how minor they might seem on a daily basis. Imagine your life without those things, and you soon begin to realize just how immensly important it is that you have them.

Cherish and be thankful for your life. And if you are fortunate enough to have these simple luxuries, it’s important that you give back. The world can be an even better place if we all help each other out. Instead of making a New Year’s resolution to become a better you, make a resolution to make the world a better one. After all, we’re all on this giant rock together, we might as well make the best of it.

I know what you’re thinking, making the world better sounds like an impossible goal for one person. For one person, it is. But if we all pledge to do a few good deeds throughout the year of 2014…well that’s a lot of good the world wouldn’t have otherwise.

Much like our simple luxuries make our live’s easier, simple good deeds make others live’s much easier.

Let’s set it up

Awhile back I heard about a food drive the St. Louis County Public Library was holding for the months of November and December. Partnering with Operation Food Search, they placed big blue trash cans inside the libraries to encourage everyday schmucks like you and I to drop off non-perishable foods for the less fortunate. I began collecting, buying, and scouring my house for non-perishables I didn’t need. I posted on Facebook what I was doing, in hopes of other contributors. Both my mother and Jon’s donated to my cause, which was helpful. I made it a habit to try and buy one canned good every time I went to the grocery store, in an effort to slowly collect. Eventually, I started filling up my counter space with canned and boxed foods.

The very best part of this good deed was that I got a message on Facebook from a girl I hardly knew saying she had food to donate if I wanted to meet up with her. I stopped by her house one weekend and was in awe of just how much she gave me to donate. A large heavy box filled with food. She easily contributed to a third of my collection. What a good person. Thank you for helping, Meagan.

The deed

20. Donate food.

Also, I’d like to thank all of Jon and I’s friends for being supportive in every possible way when we were down on our luck a few weeks ago. Having most of your Christmas presents stolen is very disheartening. But together, you guys restored our faith and your overwhelming support helped us have a Merry Christmas despite the unfortune we had. Thank you a million. XO

Yes, be thankful! Also, be nice.

Holidays are the best. It gives us time to be with friends and family and be grateful for their roles in our lives. I saw so many “thankful” comments in social media within the month of November, everything from “a roof over my head”, to “my parents”, to”food”. But during the month of December, I urge all of you to continue with all the warm fuzzy feelings but, this time, extend it strangers.

Vintage Pet Evaporated Milk Novelty Radio (AM/FM), Isis Model No. PC1, Made in Hong Kong (Photo credit: France1978)

It doesn’t take any more of your energy to simply smile and say thank you or you’re welcome, when you are out in public.

Let’s set it up

The day before Thanksgiving I was in the middle of making pumpkin pie when I realized I didn’t have enough evaporated milk. So, I went to the mom and pop grocery store down the street. As I rounded the baking aisle, a man greeted me from one end of the store. We was sitting at a table with raffle tickets and asked if I wanted to enter a drawing for a gift card (or something like that, honestly I wasn’t paying attention…I just like free stuff). I signed up and then he went on to try and sell me a subscription to the St. Louis Post Dispatch. He wasn’t pushy, but he did his job. He gave me some money-saving facts and explained benefits included with his offer. I politefully declined but we continued to chat about the holidays and other general small talk.

I think it’s easy to breeze by these people, or to be rude in order to get away from them so you don’t have to sit through their sales speech. But at the end of the day he’s a salesman, not a leper. The only difference between you and him is that he is working and you are not. If you simply don’t have the time, just tell them “No thanks, but have a good day”. It’s not hard. You might not make his day, but you also won’t contribute to making it horrible and isn’t that what we should all be thinking when we go out into the world? I doubt anyone leaves the house thinking, “Man, I’m so ready to make someone’s day really hard to get through”.

So if you see a man or woman sitting dutifully at their post ready to talk to you, just be nice!

Also, as I was checking out that day my new friend, the filipino cashier, you know the one that was raising money for her friends and family in the Philippines, recognized my familiar face and she gave me a piece of strangely tasty egg cake. << SEE, I told you pays off to be nice.

The deed

19. Be nice to strangers.

Reasons

Let’s set it up

Yesterday on my way to work I cried. Big splotchy tears that hung onto my new blouse and threatened to smudge my mascara. But I wasn’t sad, I was overwhelmed with relief.

Yesterday the child I have been advocating for since February found permanent placement in a loving and familiar home. He is no longer considered a “foster kid”. I will no longer have to hear the jerk judge call him “drug baby”. He is no longer in the government’s minimalistic care. He is with a relative, and she loves him like he’s her own. It is the absolute best scenario the kid could have had.

Some people have questioned why I do this. Why volunteer for this, it’s so sad. Well it’s not any less sad if you don’t involve yourself. The situations occur with or without you. There’s always going to be a mother that gives birth to a drug addicted baby. There will always be a father that abuses his children and locks them out of the house when he gets upset. There will always be parents that struggle with the needs of a child. But when a CASA volunteer gets involved in a foster child’s life the odds of that child getting out of the system and being placed in a good home is TWICE as likely. CASA volunteers speak up for the kid that doesn’t have the privilege to tell the judge and every other government employee what they want their life to look like, who they want to live with. I volunteer to be the voice for kids that are essentially voiceless. I also volunteer because of an experience I had a few years ago.

I want you to meet my best friend. I’ll change his name to protect his identity. Let’s call him Jack (I’ve always like that name). Jack and I met when I worked at the YMCA while attending college. His story is tragically similar to so many other kids out there that struggle with dysfunctional families. Jack was sweet, funny, and immensely entertaining. He once told me when he grew up he either wanted to become the drummer of Rage Against the Machine or a Marine. He decided one day that we were best friends and wasn’t concerned about what the other kids would think of him being best friends with a boring adult. He was awesome.

I knew Jack for two years and during that time his mom got a new boyfriend. Jack didn’t talk about him much. But he slowly started behaving differently with authority figures (including me) and other kids. He became difficult. Other kids called him a bully. He lashed out at the YMCA staff that tried to talk to him about his actions or punish him for being mean to the other kids. One day, he got so mad he screamed at the top of his lungs when another staff member said they were going to write-up his behavior and give it to his mom. He ran out of the gymnasium and out of the building. YMCA staff are not supposed to chase children once they leave the building, but rather, call the police. But he didn’t get far and I stepped outside and yelled for him to just talk to me.

I did get him to come inside. We spent the remainder of the day on the bench right outside the gymnasium. He cried on my shoulder as he told me that if he got in trouble mom’s boyfriend would beat him until he couldn’t sit anymore. He said it’s happened before. He couldn’t eat at the dinner table because his body hurt too bad. It was the first time I had to call the children’s protective services hotline.

I learned more disturbing things about the family after I hotlined, but it doesn’t seem fair to Jack to post them for all to see. My point is, I do what I do because of Jack. Because he showed me there are kids out there that need help; that need to be heard. Kids that don’t have anyone else and would go unnoticed if they didn’t have someone to listen to them.

Excuse me, as I step off my soap box now.

The deed

(FYI: I counted both blankets I made as good deeds, leading me to good ole seventeen.)

17. Helped a child get out of foster care.

Other deeds worth mentioning

I’m sure everyone knows about typhoon Haiyan that ravaged the Philipines last week. They are saying the death toll was risen to around 10,000. Pretty devastating. I talked to a woman at a local grocery store that is Filipino. She was collecting donations for the typhoon because she had friends and relatives that were “unaccounted for”.

18. Donate money to natural disaster relief efforts.

Also, on Sunday me and my fiance stopped by a gas station for some juice. There was a man there that looked homeless, mumbling to himself. This is pretty common, we live in the inner-city of St. Louis. What wasn’t common was that, while reaching for a beer out of the cooler, the man dropped his cane and a few cents and was struggling to pick them up before Jon walked over and helped him.

Embarassed, I tried to help once I knew what was going on but by then it was fixed. I was happy to ignore the man, as awful as that sounds, because he seemed unstable. I get wary around strangers, especially men. But regardless of who he was, he dropped something he was having trouble picking up, and that’s all Jon saw. Kudos to you, Jon. Reason number 123,785,906 I love you.

Resources

To learn more about CASA volunteers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzGXyzP_CBw

To donate to Typhoon Haiyan relief efforts you can go to: care.org/typhoon-haiyan